About Us
About Mark D - guitar/songwriter
Mark is the founder member of Fat Tulips – he started the band as a musical young upstart, in Peterborough, England, in 1987, coaxing a friend of his, the elusive Sarah C., to provide vocals on his songs. They released a flexi-disc entitled “You Opened Up My Eyes” the same year which was well received in indie music circles. Mark moved shortly afterwards to the East Midlands city of Nottingham, where, a few years later, he re-formed Fat Tulips with the full line-up we know today and they brought his amazingly catchy little ditties to a wider audience around the underground pop world. He was born and raised in Peterborough, in eastern England and is a veteran of many other independent bands before and since Fat Tulips. He now resides in Nottingham, is a connoisseur of antiques and ceramics and is married to the lovely Tully. He’s a Peterborough fan, therefore, still a total nutjob! He still has the music in his soul.
The Mark Interview
Q1: What have you been doing with yourself since the Fat Tulips days?
M: Got married , got a house and did a bit of wheelin' and deeling!
M: Got married , got a house and did a bit of wheelin' and deeling!
Q2: Do you have any pets? What kind of pets? What are their names?
M: I have a cat called "Pussy" who likes cream.
M: I have a cat called "Pussy" who likes cream.
Q3: What are you listening to music wise these days?
M: Yeah Yeah Yeahs , Jet , Rocket From The Crypt , Tindersticks , The Clash , Underworld , Kathryn Williams , Savoy Grand , Chemistry Experiment , Majesticons , Public Enemy , Lemon Jelly , Royksop , Avril Lavigne , Wu Tang Clan , ATR , Idlewild , Sebadoh , The Rachels and Chicks on Speed.
M: Yeah Yeah Yeahs , Jet , Rocket From The Crypt , Tindersticks , The Clash , Underworld , Kathryn Williams , Savoy Grand , Chemistry Experiment , Majesticons , Public Enemy , Lemon Jelly , Royksop , Avril Lavigne , Wu Tang Clan , ATR , Idlewild , Sebadoh , The Rachels and Chicks on Speed.
Q4: Swings or roundabouts?
M: Swings - I prefer the ups and downs to the rounds and rounds
M: Swings - I prefer the ups and downs to the rounds and rounds
Q5: Who’s your favourite actor or actress?
M: Fave actor is Divine (RIP) , actress would have to be Winona still.
M: Fave actor is Divine (RIP) , actress would have to be Winona still.
Q6: Who is the sexiest human being that you don’t know personally?
M: I like to think that I know a little bit of every sexy person!
M: I like to think that I know a little bit of every sexy person!
Q7: What is your favourite planet and why? Points will be deducted for Uranus jokes.
M: If said quickly, Venus and Uranus are always a good bet - but you get nice chocolate from Mars so it;s a tough shout. Earth is probably the best - I like a bit of mud.
M: If said quickly, Venus and Uranus are always a good bet - but you get nice chocolate from Mars so it;s a tough shout. Earth is probably the best - I like a bit of mud.
Q8: What is the most amazing place you’ve ever been and why?
M:To be honest, every plaice I have ever been to has been a bit fishy.
M:To be honest, every plaice I have ever been to has been a bit fishy.
Q9: Summer or winter – which do you prefer and why?
M: Winter - girls look nice in sweaters - more to the imagination!
M: Winter - girls look nice in sweaters - more to the imagination!
Q10: What’s your favourite snack?
M: A Scooby one.
M: A Scooby one.
Q11: Do you speak any languages other than English?
M: I speak fluent French , German, Russian and Hungarian. I am a bit rusty on the Italian though.
M: I speak fluent French , German, Russian and Hungarian. I am a bit rusty on the Italian though.
Q12: What is the last book you read?
M: Billy Childish "I'd rather you lied" , and a big Taschen "Scandinavian design" book
M: Billy Childish "I'd rather you lied" , and a big Taschen "Scandinavian design" book
Q13: What is the oddest place you’ve ever been and why?
M: Las Vegas - the funnest artificial place in the world!
M: Las Vegas - the funnest artificial place in the world!
Q14: What’s your favourite place to spend a summer day besides the beach.
M: St Ives in Cornwall
M: St Ives in Cornwall
Q15: What’s your favourite non-alcoholic beverage?
M: Water
M: Water
Q16: What’s the last injury you suffered and how did you do it?
M: Probably a sprained muscle playing football last year.
M: Probably a sprained muscle playing football last year.
Q17: What’s your favourite silly lyric?
M: "Pink elephants and lemonade" from Madonnas "Dear Jessie".
M: Tully (wifey) just read me a little poem which I thought you might like:
M: "Everythings either concave or vex,
M: So whatever you dream will be something with sex!"
M: Cute, eh?
M: "Pink elephants and lemonade" from Madonnas "Dear Jessie".
M: Tully (wifey) just read me a little poem which I thought you might like:
M: "Everythings either concave or vex,
M: So whatever you dream will be something with sex!"
M: Cute, eh?
Q18: What’s your favourite colour?
M: At the moment blue as we have lots of nice blue glass in there.
M: At the moment blue as we have lots of nice blue glass in there.
Q19: What’s the scariest method of transport?
M: Boat - I never did have very good sea legs - even when I was in the Navy.
M: Boat - I never did have very good sea legs - even when I was in the Navy.
Q20: Last film that made you cry?
M: The green mile with Tom Hanks
M: The green mile with Tom Hanks
Q21: Do you watch reality TV? Which shows?
M: I gave up after watching some of Big Brother 3 last year - I suddenly realised that I had spent the last 10 minutes of my life watching someone mow the lawn - never again!
M: I gave up after watching some of Big Brother 3 last year - I suddenly realised that I had spent the last 10 minutes of my life watching someone mow the lawn - never again!
Q22: What are you favourite TV programmes?
M: I used to Like "Tiffanys Big City Tips" (on Satellite)
M: Sadly thats gone now so it must be "6 feet under".
M: I used to Like "Tiffanys Big City Tips" (on Satellite)
M: Sadly thats gone now so it must be "6 feet under".
Q23: What’s your favourite website that isn’t porn?
M: There is a site without porn????!
M: There is a site without porn????!
Q24: If you had to cover a ‘lounge’ classic what would it be?
M: Well I would probably go for a Charles and Ray Eames 1950's sofa by herman Miller , or perhaps a nice Robin Day settee??
M: Well I would probably go for a Charles and Ray Eames 1950's sofa by herman Miller , or perhaps a nice Robin Day settee??
Q25: Can you do a good Sean Connery impression?
M: Yes - I too pay as little tax as I can.
M: Yes - I too pay as little tax as I can.
About Sheg - vocals/guitar/songwriter
Sheggi originally joined the Tulips as a rhythm guitarist in 1989, but took over on vocals too, a week before the band’s first gig, when then singer Katie Keen, left the group to pursue an academic career and the band had no time to find a replacement. Sheggi ended up being the vocalist for the remainder of the Tulips career. Sheggi was born and grew up in Glasgow in Scotland and like some of her other Tulip colleagues, has played in a couple of other bands before and after the Fatties, most notably The Melons, where she wrote the songs and played guitar. The Melons played shows around England and completed a couple of live sessions for BBC Radio One. Sheggi is legendary within Fat Tulips for writing the shortest songs known to mankind! In recent times Sheggi lived in Lower Manhattan for a period of ten years where she had a semi “respectable” job at New York City’s Rockefeller Center.
The Sheg Interview
Q1: What have you been doing with yourself since the Fat Tulips days?
S: Becoming an American.
S: Becoming an American.
Q2: Do you have any pets? What kind of pets? What are their names?
S: I have Finn-the-destroyer-cat and Spike-the-kitten, cute and naughty.
S: I have Finn-the-destroyer-cat and Spike-the-kitten, cute and naughty.
Q3: What are you listening to music wise these days?
S: Fuzzy emo pop and country. Orange Juice has been making a resurgence.
S: Fuzzy emo pop and country. Orange Juice has been making a resurgence.
Q4: Swings or roundabouts?
S: Swings. Definitely swings. I only have to be on a roundabout five seconds and you get to see what I had for lunch. Swings are cool.
S: Swings. Definitely swings. I only have to be on a roundabout five seconds and you get to see what I had for lunch. Swings are cool.
Q5: Who’s your favourite actor or actress?
S: Vincent D'Onofrio. I could watch him read the phone book.
S: Vincent D'Onofrio. I could watch him read the phone book.
Q6: Who is the sexiest human being that you don’t know personally?
S: So big a list. So little space.
S: So big a list. So little space.
Q7: What is your favourite planet and why? Points will be deducted for Uranus jokes.
S: I sort of like the idea of Jupiter. I actually just like the word better than the others. JOOOOOPITURRRR!
S: I sort of like the idea of Jupiter. I actually just like the word better than the others. JOOOOOPITURRRR!
Q8: What is the most amazing place you’ve ever been and why?
S: Death Valley California/Nevada. Bizarre, weird, sparse, super hot and yet totally, totally cool. It's also near Vegas which fascinates me.
S: Death Valley California/Nevada. Bizarre, weird, sparse, super hot and yet totally, totally cool. It's also near Vegas which fascinates me.
Q9: Summer or winter – which do you prefer and why?
S: Summer. I hate winter. It should be banned. I hate the cold. Kind of unfortunate being from Scotland and all.
S: Summer. I hate winter. It should be banned. I hate the cold. Kind of unfortunate being from Scotland and all.
Q10: What’s your favourite snack?
S: grilled cheese with salad cream (Heinz) and prawn cocktail crisps (Walkers)
S: grilled cheese with salad cream (Heinz) and prawn cocktail crisps (Walkers)
Q11: Do you speak any languages other than English?
S: Some French, tiny amount of German, some swear words in Scots Gaelic.
S: Some French, tiny amount of German, some swear words in Scots Gaelic.
Q12: What is the last book you read?
S: The third Stephanie Plum book by Janet Evanovich. I'm doing it in order.
S: The third Stephanie Plum book by Janet Evanovich. I'm doing it in order.
Q13: What is the oddest place you’ve ever been and why?
S: In this deserted army base in Latvia just after the Russians were driven out. It was all destroyed and derelict in the middle of some woods and we found this huge statue of Lenin hidden by a tarp. There were radios and broadcasting equipment broken and lying around everywhere and holes in the roof where bombs had come through. VERY odd. I also visited some ex-KGB prison in Lithuania where I sat in a torture chamber with blood and bulletholes on the walls.
S: In this deserted army base in Latvia just after the Russians were driven out. It was all destroyed and derelict in the middle of some woods and we found this huge statue of Lenin hidden by a tarp. There were radios and broadcasting equipment broken and lying around everywhere and holes in the roof where bombs had come through. VERY odd. I also visited some ex-KGB prison in Lithuania where I sat in a torture chamber with blood and bulletholes on the walls.
Q14: What’s your favourite place to spend a summer day besides the beach.
S: Yankee stadium. With a cold beer, an ice cream and about fifty large men in tight white uniforms.
S: Yankee stadium. With a cold beer, an ice cream and about fifty large men in tight white uniforms.
Q15: What’s your favourite non-alcoholic beverage?
S: Irn Bru. Or home made limeade. Or Lucozade. Original flavour. Skim milk.
S: Irn Bru. Or home made limeade. Or Lucozade. Original flavour. Skim milk.
Q16: What’s the last injury you suffered and how did you do it?
S: Sprained my right ankle badly earlier in the year. I'd tell you how i did it but it's way too embarrassing.
S: Sprained my right ankle badly earlier in the year. I'd tell you how i did it but it's way too embarrassing.
Q17: What’s your favourite silly lyric?
S: I've seen the stuff they put inside Stretch Armstrong
S: I've seen the stuff they put inside Stretch Armstrong
Q18: What’s your favourite colour?
S: sky blue. I love blue.
S: sky blue. I love blue.
Q19: What’s the scariest method of transport?
S: Submarine. Then plane. Claustrophobia and innards exploding versus falling out of the sky, it's a hard decision.
S: Submarine. Then plane. Claustrophobia and innards exploding versus falling out of the sky, it's a hard decision.
Q20: Last film that made you cry?
S: The Shawshank Redemption. I know it's not new but I only just saw it recently for the first time.
S: The Shawshank Redemption. I know it's not new but I only just saw it recently for the first time.
Q21: Do you watch reality TV? Which shows?
S: I can't stand reality TV. I don't watch any of those stupid 'Big Brother', 'Survivor' 'Joe Millionaire', 'Pop Idol' type shows. They make my blood boil.
S: I can't stand reality TV. I don't watch any of those stupid 'Big Brother', 'Survivor' 'Joe Millionaire', 'Pop Idol' type shows. They make my blood boil.
Q22: What are you favourite TV programmes?
S: "X-Files", "Six Feet Under", "Crank yankers", "Law and Order: Criminal Intent", "South Park", "Carnivale", "Homicide: Life on the Streets",
S: "X-Files", "Six Feet Under", "Crank yankers", "Law and Order: Criminal Intent", "South Park", "Carnivale", "Homicide: Life on the Streets",
Q23: What’s your favourite website that isn’t porn?
S: Fark. I love to fark.
S: Fark. I love to fark.
Q24: If you had to cover a ‘lounge’ classic song what would it be?
S: Anything written by Bacharach or Andy Williams' "It's So Easy"
S: Anything written by Bacharach or Andy Williams' "It's So Easy"
Q25: Can you do a good Sean Connery impression?
S: YESH. And may I shay thatsh a niesh little shomething you're almosht wearing!!!
S: YESH. And may I shay thatsh a niesh little shomething you're almosht wearing!!!
About Paul - bass guitar
Paul is a native of Nottingham in England and has played in many diverse and unique bands since high school. He plays guitar, although he switched to bass while a member of Fat Tulips and was legendary within the band for renaming songs in a manner he could remember them better. Paul’s tracklist at shows usually consisted of such songs as “Doo doo doo doo”, “Bikeshed” and “Wagga Wagga Wagga”. Pauly is now teaching very young children, a fact which amuses everyone but surprises no one. He teaches them the joys of the guitar, mathematics and how to spell their swear words. Pauly lives in London, England with his cute, American, artist-girlfriend, Marisa and a cat called Yoko. He now plays guitar in a quaint, garage combo called “The Sinisters”, so if you’re in or around London, check them out! Paul is a lifelong supporter of Nottingham Forest.
The Paul Interview
Q1: What have you been doing with yourself since the Fat Tulips days?
P: I trained to be a school teacher and now I am one. I have just started my musical come back playing in two bands. The Sinisters - left handed 60s garage pop meets C86 (featuring members of Mambo Taxi, The Keatons and The Action Time) and The Cut-Outs - sunshine 60s folk pop meets C86 (featuring members of Airport Girl). The Sinisters played at my school yesterday. We had to cut out all the 60s drug references and a few swear words (arsehole, shit and cunt) We still played Get Smashed! and the kiddies loved it.
P: I trained to be a school teacher and now I am one. I have just started my musical come back playing in two bands. The Sinisters - left handed 60s garage pop meets C86 (featuring members of Mambo Taxi, The Keatons and The Action Time) and The Cut-Outs - sunshine 60s folk pop meets C86 (featuring members of Airport Girl). The Sinisters played at my school yesterday. We had to cut out all the 60s drug references and a few swear words (arsehole, shit and cunt) We still played Get Smashed! and the kiddies loved it.
Q2: Do you have any pets? What kind of pets? What are their names?
P: Barbara my cat died 2 years back. We now have a kitty called Yoko.
P: Barbara my cat died 2 years back. We now have a kitty called Yoko.
Q3: What are you listening to music wise these days?
P: Right now it's Harry Smith's Anthology of American Folk Music but also my usual mix of indie and 60s. Recent stuff I like is Ricky Spontane, Herman Dune, Vermont, Jeff Lewis, Moldy Peaches, The Real Losers. And of course I
P: still listen to the Gobies on a daily basis.
P: Right now it's Harry Smith's Anthology of American Folk Music but also my usual mix of indie and 60s. Recent stuff I like is Ricky Spontane, Herman Dune, Vermont, Jeff Lewis, Moldy Peaches, The Real Losers. And of course I
P: still listen to the Gobies on a daily basis.
Q4: Swings or roundabouts?
P: Round and round makes me vomit. Swings are a bit boring. Climbing frames rule.
P: Round and round makes me vomit. Swings are a bit boring. Climbing frames rule.
Q5: Who's your favourite actor or actress?
P: Steve Buscemi or Elina Lowensohn
P: Steve Buscemi or Elina Lowensohn
Q6: Who is the sexiest human being that you don't know personally?
P: Elina Lowensohn
P: Elina Lowensohn
Q7: What is your favourite planet and why? Points will be deducted for Uranus jokes.
P: My favourite planets are 1 Jupiter (big great spot by jove) 2 Saturn (rings) 3 Mars (martians red canals) 4 Earth (blue green) 5 Venus (venutians, deadly gas cool, goddess of love oooh) 6 Neptune (blue) 7 Uranus (and it should be pronounced like your bum) 8 Mercury (freddie, melina) 9 pluto (i doubt it is even a planet)
P: My favourite planets are 1 Jupiter (big great spot by jove) 2 Saturn (rings) 3 Mars (martians red canals) 4 Earth (blue green) 5 Venus (venutians, deadly gas cool, goddess of love oooh) 6 Neptune (blue) 7 Uranus (and it should be pronounced like your bum) 8 Mercury (freddie, melina) 9 pluto (i doubt it is even a planet)
Q8: What is the most amazing place you've ever been and why?
P: New York City - it's like I've stepped inside my TV
P: New York City - it's like I've stepped inside my TV
Q9: Summer or winter - which do you prefer and why?
P: SUMMER - beach boys, orange juice, bike rides, picnics, beer gardens, holidays, tennis winters alright christmas is great and snow is beautiful it's football season too but really no competition
P: SUMMER - beach boys, orange juice, bike rides, picnics, beer gardens, holidays, tennis winters alright christmas is great and snow is beautiful it's football season too but really no competition
Q10: What's your favourite snack?
P: Reeces Pieces
P: Reeces Pieces
Q11: Do you speak any languages other than English?
P: Nottinghamese - bobos, babas, dudoos, nesh, mardy arse
P: Nottinghamese - bobos, babas, dudoos, nesh, mardy arse
Q12: What is the last book you read?
P: Right now I'm reading Europe A History by Norman Davies (this is too big to carry on the tube so also) A heartbreaking work of staggering genius by Dave Eggers
P: Right now I'm reading Europe A History by Norman Davies (this is too big to carry on the tube so also) A heartbreaking work of staggering genius by Dave Eggers
Q13: What is the oddest place you've ever been and why?
P: Sheggi's flat - it is the smallest flat with the biggest TV and the wildest animals.
P: Sheggi's flat - it is the smallest flat with the biggest TV and the wildest animals.
Q14: What's your favourite place to spend a summer day besides the beach.
P: At home watching summer holidays tv programmes like the Monkees and Why don't you
P: At home watching summer holidays tv programmes like the Monkees and Why don't you
Q15: What's your favourite non-alcoholic beverage?
P: Bacardi Breezer - watermelon
P: Bacardi Breezer - watermelon
Q16: What's the last injury you suffered and how did you do it?
P: sprained ankle whilst teaching children to play football
P: sprained ankle whilst teaching children to play football
Q17: What's your favourite silly lyric?
P: when you die your eyes pop out your head becomes a mushy lump by the Donner Party
P: when you die your eyes pop out your head becomes a mushy lump by the Donner Party
Q18: What's your favourite colour?
P: blue
P: blue
Q19: What's the scariest method of transport?
P: cycling when drunk
P: cycling when drunk
Q20: Last film that made you cry?
P: the great escape christmas 1978. The bit where Ives goes wire crazy and gets shot.
P: the great escape christmas 1978. The bit where Ives goes wire crazy and gets shot.
Q21: Do you watch reality TV? Which shows?
P: NO NEVER!!!! well big brother a bit but not now that Sissy has been voted out
P: NO NEVER!!!! well big brother a bit but not now that Sissy has been voted out
Q22: What are you favourite TV programmes?
P: sopranos, west wing, bo selecta
P: sopranos, west wing, bo selecta
Q23: What's your favourite website that isn't porn?
P: www.guitartabs.cc learn to play all your favourite songs. there is even a beat happening section for those who can't work them out yourselves
P: www.guitartabs.cc learn to play all your favourite songs. there is even a beat happening section for those who can't work them out yourselves
Q24: If you had to cover a 'lounge' classic what would it be?
P: perhaps perhaps perhaps how do you write it in spanish ??? qui sas qui sas qui sas???
P: perhaps perhaps perhaps how do you write it in spanish ??? qui sas qui sas qui sas???
Q25: Can you do a good Sean Connery impression?
P: shertainly mish moneypenny
P: shertainly mish moneypenny
About Matt - drums and driving
Matt, Fat Tulips drummer, only played a drum for the first time in his life at the first Fat Tulips rehearsal. For this reason he played only two drums – a big, fat, bass drum and a snare, with occasional cymbal intervention, which he played standing up. He’s been known to “enhance” the mood of a song by changing tempo half way through just for the hell of it! Matt grew up in Nottingham, England where he attended school with Fatties bassist Paul. He’s a big music fan with an extensive record and CD collection, although he had never played in a band before joining the Fat Tulips, as a young whippersnapper in 1989. He is constantly frustrated as he is a Notts County football fan but he also runs Heaven Records, likes baseball (Yankees) and eating and still lives in Nottingham, with his collection of “Toy Story” figures, the lovely Louise and their three cats, Mo, Smudge and Jess. He no longer beats the drums, but the beat lives on in his heart.
The Matt Interview
Q1: What have you been doing with yourself since the Fat Tulips days?
M: Basically just traveling the world in my yacht spending my millions from the record sales. The pop star life is now taking it’s toll and I have booked myself into The Priory to try and kick my drink and drug habits.
M: Basically just traveling the world in my yacht spending my millions from the record sales. The pop star life is now taking it’s toll and I have booked myself into The Priory to try and kick my drink and drug habits.
Q2: Do you have any pets? What kind of pets? What are their names?
M: I have 3 cats, Morris (who was abandoned by his previous owner Sheggi when she moved to NY) and Jess and Smudge who moved in when my girlfriend did. I like pussy.
M: I have 3 cats, Morris (who was abandoned by his previous owner Sheggi when she moved to NY) and Jess and Smudge who moved in when my girlfriend did. I like pussy.
Q3: What are you listening to music wise these days?
M: Low, Heather Nova, Sarah stuff (still)
M: Just got all my Clash stuff out the other day as well and gave that a spin.
M: Mostly vinyl still. I’ve got an awesome turntable and amplifier and really piss the neighbours off when I have The Field Mice at full volume.
M: Low, Heather Nova, Sarah stuff (still)
M: Just got all my Clash stuff out the other day as well and gave that a spin.
M: Mostly vinyl still. I’ve got an awesome turntable and amplifier and really piss the neighbours off when I have The Field Mice at full volume.
Q4: Swings or roundabouts?
M: Neither. I liked them animal things on a spring that just rock backwards and forwards.
M: Neither. I liked them animal things on a spring that just rock backwards and forwards.
Q5: Who’s your favourite actor or actress?
M: Dunno really. I’m just downloading the West Wing but only the episodes that Danica McKellar is in.
M: Dunno really. I’m just downloading the West Wing but only the episodes that Danica McKellar is in.
Q6: Who is the sexiest human being that you don’t know personally?
M: See Q5 and I’ve got a bit of a thing for Davina McCall and Kristin Davis although her calves are a bit big.
M: See Q5 and I’ve got a bit of a thing for Davina McCall and Kristin Davis although her calves are a bit big.
Q7: What is your favourite planet and why? Points will be deducted for Uranus jokes.
M: Planet Jig. He’s my mate and is on a completely different planet to everyone else. It’s a good place to be.
M: Planet Jig. He’s my mate and is on a completely different planet to everyone else. It’s a good place to be.
Q8: What is the most amazing place you’ve ever been and why?
M: Top of the world trade centre cos it was an awesome view and now it’s not there anymore.
M: Top of the world trade centre cos it was an awesome view and now it’s not there anymore.
Q9: Summer or winter – which do you prefer and why?
M: Don’t care. It’s only bloody weather.
M: Don’t care. It’s only bloody weather.
Q10: What’s your favourite snack?
M: Walkers Salt and Vinegar crisps
M: Walkers Salt and Vinegar crisps
Q11: Do you speak any languages other than English?
M: People say I speak bollox alot
M: People say I speak bollox alot
Q12: What is the last book you read?
M: All Roads Lead To October
M: It’s a book about the New York Yankees baseball team. When Billy Martin died I nearly cried.
M: All Roads Lead To October
M: It’s a book about the New York Yankees baseball team. When Billy Martin died I nearly cried.
Q13: What is the oddest place you’ve ever been and why?
M: Sheggi’s bedroom. Complete chaos and enough half eaten food to feed a small nation.
M: Sheggi’s bedroom. Complete chaos and enough half eaten food to feed a small nation.
Q14: What’s your favourite place to spend a summer day besides the beach.
M: Outside the pub with my friends drinking lovely cool lager.
M: Outside the pub with my friends drinking lovely cool lager.
Q15: What’s your favourite non-alcoholic beverage?
M: Coca Cola. The proper stuff not of that Pepsi or supermarket shit.
M: Coca Cola. The proper stuff not of that Pepsi or supermarket shit.
Q16: What’s the last injury you suffered and how did you do it?
M: I split all skin on my knob. Probably from too much wanking.
M: I split all skin on my knob. Probably from too much wanking.
Q17: What’s your favourite silly lyric?
M: Where’s Clare Grogan Now?
M: Where’s Clare Grogan Now?
Q18: What’s your favourite colour?
M: Black
M: Black
Q19: What’s the scariest method of transport?
M: Public
M: Public
Q20: Last film that made you cry?
M: Don’t be so gay
M: Don’t be so gay
Q21: Do you watch reality TV? Which shows?
M: I used to watch Big Brother but that’s about it. Does Airline and Airport count? They’re quite good. Cheaters on Reality TV is cool as well. The presenter got stabbed recently. It was so fake I laughed myself silly. My mate Jig thought it was real the first time he saw it. Donger.
M: I used to watch Big Brother but that’s about it. Does Airline and Airport count? They’re quite good. Cheaters on Reality TV is cool as well. The presenter got stabbed recently. It was so fake I laughed myself silly. My mate Jig thought it was real the first time he saw it. Donger.
Q22: What are you favourite TV programmes?
M: X-Files. Don’t watch tv. It’s shit!
M: X-Files. Don’t watch tv. It’s shit!
Q23: What’s your favourite website that isn’t porn?
M: Are there any others?
M: Are there any others?
Q24: If you had to cover a ‘lounge’ classic what would it be?
M: My sofa. It needs re-covering cos the material is torn on it. What the fucks a ‘lounge’ classic?
M: My sofa. It needs re-covering cos the material is torn on it. What the fucks a ‘lounge’ classic?
Q25: Can you do a good Sean Connery impression?
M: "I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman, and I don't ever want to be one. I am a Scotsman! I was a Scotsman and I will always be one." Fucking Scottish twat!
M: "I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman, and I don't ever want to be one. I am a Scotsman! I was a Scotsman and I will always be one." Fucking Scottish twat!